I Walked in the Rain

I walked in the rain

A gentle drizzle on my head

Cooling my brain

And washing away the headache

I walked in the rain

Gently pattering rain

Blurring my vision

And washing away the reality

I walked in the rain

Large, ominous drops

Seeping through skin

And washing away the loneliness

I walked in the rain

Cats and dogs and more

Raping my senses

And washing away the innocence

Getting Comfortable With Writer's Block

I haven’t written in quite a while now. There is this huge case of writer’s block that I am nursing. It was nagging at first. Then I got comfortable with it. Now I even play with it. I’m starting to think it is normal. Right now, I’m only writing to tell you that the reason I haven’t been writing is because of the writer’s block. So don’t expect this to be a good piece.

So what have I been up to? I’ve been very, very busy. I’m not sure of what kept me so busy. But my mind has been in overdrive these past few weeks. I haven’t been able to read a book to completion. I haven’t even posted as often on Facebook as I am expected to post. Lately, I share other people’s posts. I share so much that it’s freaking me out!

My heart has been in an emotional blender. I’m still recovering from the experience. So I guess that has also contributed to my writer’s block. I was scared of writing, lest I opened up my heart and the whole world got to know what’s inside. I actually tried it, but I pulled down the blog post before it had been read by 10 people. It was too personal for my own liking.

Lately, I’ve gotten to enjoy the friendship of people around me. I sing at church. I try to make new friends. I’ve even been able to say hi to a few strangers while hiding behind a disposable cup of soda after Sunday service. There is a girl who is smiling so much at me every Sunday. I think she likes me.

That doesn’t mean I’ve become religious all of a sudden. Actually, I’m shedding more and more religion every day. I no longer go to church as a duty. I go because of the people there. And because I’ve realized I can still sing. I’m tired of being lonely. That reminds me. It’s a long time since I last had a drink. Someone needs to take me out soon.

I wrote a book. The title is “What If God Doesn’t ReallyLove You?” I was so excited about it. But my friends have been asking what happened to it since I’ve been quiet about it of late. Well, it is still in the works.  I’m sorry I haven’t talked about it in a long time. There has been a lot going on, I’ve even forgotten some of the stuff I wrote in that book. But I should get it out sometime soon. Maybe I’ll offer a free e-book download for you all here. Keep looking out for it.

I’m thinking so hard about starting to write a novel in December. By then the writer’s block better be lifted, otherwise I’ll strangle it with my bare hands!

So friends, if you’ve been missing my blog posts and my chronic online presence, know that I still exist. I love you. And I’ll be back as soon as I get tired of being comfortable with my writer’s block.

You Are More Than Your Tears

When the sun is in the sky

I see the new day

As for blue skies

I see grey shadows

When nobody around

Sees through my pain

And the last person I need

Tends to walk away

When I see no hope for tomorrow

And every step is a drag

When my tears fall like rain

And all I try to eat

Tastes like pepper

I want to run

From myself

Where do I run to?

To whom do I run?

When I try to pray

And no words can form

When every effort to praise

Leaves me more depressed

When I think of me

I am so broken

I’m like shattered glass

Sometimes I know not what

At times I know

And in the stillness of night

And the turmoil of day

He comforts me

Gently whispers

I am more than your tears

For you are more than your tears

Hold Me

I was lying on a plank of wood
a residue from a sunken ship
in the middle of sea, the middle of nowhere
tried hard to reach out my hand
at the cost of sinking deep
i could sink a thousand feet deep

so i call you
and you answer
in my deepest need

i need you to hold me
hold me
would you please hold me?
I love you, i need you
more than anything
i need you to hold me

my prayers ricocheted
against the gray sky
i could shout and the echo would come back
not even a pin-hole
was open in the sky
to let a single raindrop fall

so i call you
and you answer
in my deepest need

My Birthday Wish-List

Exactly one month from now, I’ll be turning 21. I am so excited for no apparent reason. So I thought I’d write out a list of the gifts I expect on that day. You see, I’ve realised that birthdays are no longer what they used to be a few years ago. We no longer have time for parties or cards. All we get are messages on Facebook. So I guess that will be the first thing on my list.

So here’s the list:

• Lots and lots of birthday wishes on Facebook
• A bottle of dry white wine, either South African or Italian
• A bottle of brandy or sherry
• A phone I can use to read pdf documents
• A charcoal grill or braai
• Chocolate balls from Uchumi supermarket
• Oreos
• Airtime
• Lots of money (contact me for my bank account number)
• A high quality chef’s knife
• I don’t know what else

·      

I can’t wait for 18^th October to come!

Why I Am A Christian

Yesterday a friend of mine expressed his concern for me on Facebook, that I was leaving my faith in Christ. Here is how he stated it:

My dear brother Paul Kisakye, I can't help it but noticed your relentless harassment towards the body of Christ through your posts lately.

First you defy Paul's warning against being buddies with non believers (what do righteousness and darkness have in common? 2 Corinthians 6:15)

Then you blatantly deny the existence of hell (as if sinners won't be punished after enjoying the pleasures of the world and satisfied the desires of their flesh when believers are giving them up for the rewards from their sky daddy.) The scripture is pretty clear ((Daniel 12:2,3; Matthew 25:46; John 5:28; Revelation 20:14,15)

Now this lugezigezi of mbu subjecting things to reason (as if the bible is not enough), defending abominable acts like homosexuality. It's not clear anymore in whose base you've set camp. I worry you may be derailing off your course, if you're not careful, you may be booking yourself a spot next to me in that place where there'll be weeping and gnashing of teeth (Mathew 13:50)

 

Well, as fate would have it, the post garnered 42 comments from a mixture of atheists, agnostics and Christians, like me.

It came as a shock to me that I had slipped so far from my childhood Christian beliefs so much that other people were noticing! I like keeping a low profile, so at first I thought I should come out and clear my name so that I can stay in the good books of some of my Christian friends. Then I thought, to hell with them! I choose my own spiritual path.

But that doesn’t mean that his observation didn’t make me question some of my beliefs. I asked myself whether I was still Christian. My conscience told me that I was still treading the straight and narrow. I actually remembered that I can’t leave it, however much I wanted, simply because nothing can separate me from God’s love for me. He loves me anyway and nothing will change that.

On further examination of my heart, I realised that what had actually changed was my definition of “Christian.” I am no longer defined by my theological stand on “Christian” issues like homosexuality, abortion, hell, heaven, etc. All that matters to me now is Christ. All other things are bull shit (see Philippians 3:7-9)

I no longer give a rip about whether I am right or wrong. Who cares if I know all the right doctrines, or if I can quote chunks of scripture, if I can’t love my neighbour?

So yes, I am still a Christian, because I have encountered Christ. There has been a radical change in my life that I can’t account to any effort on my own. I have seen things that have no other explanation apart from the miraculous hand of God. I am convinced beyond a shadow of doubt that there is a God who loves me more than I’ll ever comprehend.

One thing makes sense to me now: Christ. All other things pale in comparison to his love, grace and reality. So I’d rather have Christ than anything else. And I guess that’s what makes me a Christian.

My dear friend, who was worried about me, rest easy. A lot of stuff may be happening to me right now, causing me to change my theology. But one thing will never change: Christ.