Please Don't Read This!

I have just completed writing my exams for this semester. Some of them were not written, though. They were a little more practical, with one of them involving chopping onions, whisking eggs and grilling steak. But “writing” is the only English word I could think of right now, since I am on a vacation from thinking anything academic.

I really have nothing to write, other than to say that I am excited. There are times in life when I am so deep into stuff that I fail to realize that everything comes to an end. Two days ago I couldn’t dream that these exams would be over. Now here I am, on my bed, bored and writing a very pointless blog post. Only reason I am writing it is because the movies I got from a friend of mine failed to play on my pc.

Maybe I’m also writing because it is ages since I last posted here. And I kinda feel guilty about it. I know I am supposed to be a writer, but life can bog me down sometimes that I even forget who I am.

I guess I should also blame Facebook and Twitter. These sites make micro-blogging so easy. I don’t have to think something through, dig up some research before writing out a readable blog. All I need to do is write two long sentence with two typos and the burden to write is suddenly lifted off of me.

I never make New Year’s resolutions, but maybe for next year, I should resolve to write more on this blog and gain a larger audience. It would stroke my ego, you know. But for right now, I guess I should stop babbling and go back to Facebook and see what happened there while I was away.

If you read this, then something is wrong with you, because I am sure you didn’t gain a thing, apart from spending your time reading a meaningless blog post. I promise I’ll never write like this again.

Forgive me?

I Walked in the Rain

I walked in the rain

A gentle drizzle on my head

Cooling my brain

And washing away the headache

I walked in the rain

Gently pattering rain

Blurring my vision

And washing away the reality

I walked in the rain

Large, ominous drops

Seeping through skin

And washing away the loneliness

I walked in the rain

Cats and dogs and more

Raping my senses

And washing away the innocence

Getting Comfortable With Writer's Block

I haven’t written in quite a while now. There is this huge case of writer’s block that I am nursing. It was nagging at first. Then I got comfortable with it. Now I even play with it. I’m starting to think it is normal. Right now, I’m only writing to tell you that the reason I haven’t been writing is because of the writer’s block. So don’t expect this to be a good piece.

So what have I been up to? I’ve been very, very busy. I’m not sure of what kept me so busy. But my mind has been in overdrive these past few weeks. I haven’t been able to read a book to completion. I haven’t even posted as often on Facebook as I am expected to post. Lately, I share other people’s posts. I share so much that it’s freaking me out!

My heart has been in an emotional blender. I’m still recovering from the experience. So I guess that has also contributed to my writer’s block. I was scared of writing, lest I opened up my heart and the whole world got to know what’s inside. I actually tried it, but I pulled down the blog post before it had been read by 10 people. It was too personal for my own liking.

Lately, I’ve gotten to enjoy the friendship of people around me. I sing at church. I try to make new friends. I’ve even been able to say hi to a few strangers while hiding behind a disposable cup of soda after Sunday service. There is a girl who is smiling so much at me every Sunday. I think she likes me.

That doesn’t mean I’ve become religious all of a sudden. Actually, I’m shedding more and more religion every day. I no longer go to church as a duty. I go because of the people there. And because I’ve realized I can still sing. I’m tired of being lonely. That reminds me. It’s a long time since I last had a drink. Someone needs to take me out soon.

I wrote a book. The title is “What If God Doesn’t ReallyLove You?” I was so excited about it. But my friends have been asking what happened to it since I’ve been quiet about it of late. Well, it is still in the works.  I’m sorry I haven’t talked about it in a long time. There has been a lot going on, I’ve even forgotten some of the stuff I wrote in that book. But I should get it out sometime soon. Maybe I’ll offer a free e-book download for you all here. Keep looking out for it.

I’m thinking so hard about starting to write a novel in December. By then the writer’s block better be lifted, otherwise I’ll strangle it with my bare hands!

So friends, if you’ve been missing my blog posts and my chronic online presence, know that I still exist. I love you. And I’ll be back as soon as I get tired of being comfortable with my writer’s block.

You Are More Than Your Tears

When the sun is in the sky

I see the new day

As for blue skies

I see grey shadows

When nobody around

Sees through my pain

And the last person I need

Tends to walk away

When I see no hope for tomorrow

And every step is a drag

When my tears fall like rain

And all I try to eat

Tastes like pepper

I want to run

From myself

Where do I run to?

To whom do I run?

When I try to pray

And no words can form

When every effort to praise

Leaves me more depressed

When I think of me

I am so broken

I’m like shattered glass

Sometimes I know not what

At times I know

And in the stillness of night

And the turmoil of day

He comforts me

Gently whispers

I am more than your tears

For you are more than your tears

Hold Me

I was lying on a plank of wood
a residue from a sunken ship
in the middle of sea, the middle of nowhere
tried hard to reach out my hand
at the cost of sinking deep
i could sink a thousand feet deep

so i call you
and you answer
in my deepest need

i need you to hold me
hold me
would you please hold me?
I love you, i need you
more than anything
i need you to hold me

my prayers ricocheted
against the gray sky
i could shout and the echo would come back
not even a pin-hole
was open in the sky
to let a single raindrop fall

so i call you
and you answer
in my deepest need

My Birthday Wish-List

Exactly one month from now, I’ll be turning 21. I am so excited for no apparent reason. So I thought I’d write out a list of the gifts I expect on that day. You see, I’ve realised that birthdays are no longer what they used to be a few years ago. We no longer have time for parties or cards. All we get are messages on Facebook. So I guess that will be the first thing on my list.

So here’s the list:

• Lots and lots of birthday wishes on Facebook
• A bottle of dry white wine, either South African or Italian
• A bottle of brandy or sherry
• A phone I can use to read pdf documents
• A charcoal grill or braai
• Chocolate balls from Uchumi supermarket
• Oreos
• Airtime
• Lots of money (contact me for my bank account number)
• A high quality chef’s knife
• I don’t know what else

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I can’t wait for 18^th October to come!